My children are the heartbeat of my life. Tate is three 1/2 and Boo is 1 1/2. Those are their nicknames, of course. They are just so wonderful that I almost forget that a lot of things had to happen for me to be in this world of single motherhood. Tate's father I was married to and when she was 8 months left. So it has been me and her until I made the mistake of trying to forget about one man by sleeping with another(see my fantasy post) (childish and immature, I know.) But the most wonderful little girl came out of that as well.
Boo's father is soo incredibly active in her life. He takes her for a least one day every week...at the very least. We can communicate about her now and talk and be friends. I wish I could make myself love him but the spark is just not there. Tates' father is in and out of her life. I am finally taking some legal action against him so that he understands that he cannot keep doing this to my little girl. So that is a little background for confessions of a single mom.
Tate is having trouble sleeping again...waking up with night terrors I think. I hate seeing my little girl be torn apart by some fool who doesn't know how lucky he is to have her as a daughter. I think that the situation with her father has also made her more clingy and whiny. Also, watching Boo go with her dad as often as she does causes a lot of questions. And me with no answers. But I can't really deprive one child for the sake of the other.
I am nervous about the upcoming events in their lives. Tate can't seem to accept that I might have someone else in my life but her and Boo so anytime a friend comes around she gets even more clingy and whiny. But I can't keep living my life alone. I want that support that I can find in another person. A shoulder to put my head on when things are rough and someone with some helpful advice on how to get through all of this rough stuff.
I wonder, how do you help a child understand why her father doesn't want to see her? Or will see her but only on his terms and when his girlfriend tells him it's okay. And when he does get her how do I get through the weekend wondering what kind of situations she is in the middle of? And then sit alone and try to forget that I can't have what I want with one person and stress about the safety of my daughter.
I wish I could say I was bitter about the divorce or the other things that came after. But honestly, every mistake I have made has led me to this spot. This perfect spot with my children. I don't believe that I will ever be given more challenges than I can handle. I can honestly say that once I make a mistake I never make it again. And really, the amazing thing is that my children have taught me more about love and sacrifices than anyone could.
This year for Christmas I had to save up, of course. No child support again so I was just going on what I made. But I had a decent amount saved and was able to get the kids several things that I knew were perfect. I limit myself to just a few presents, though. I don't like to overindulge them, especially since the rest of the family spoils them. I ended up having enough to get myself a little something and Jeff the iPOD he'd been wanting. Of course, he never got it...since he had to throw his little mid life crisis thing...I decided to keep it for myself. Don't know what to do with the two shirts I got him. Maybe I should cut them down to fit my kiddos :)
My point is that I think a lot of people who know me would be surprised that I do so much on so little. Or how simple life is when you stop worrying and just live. I used to stress about little things like a perfect house or certain decorations. Now I watch my kids trash the house twice daily. But we just pick up and do it again. I clean when I have time. I am not going to waste a whole weekend day cleaning when I want to spend time playing with the kids. And so maybe I don't have the perfect house or the perfect body...but I am working on bigger and better things...like raising kids that feel loved ....
Boo's father is soo incredibly active in her life. He takes her for a least one day every week...at the very least. We can communicate about her now and talk and be friends. I wish I could make myself love him but the spark is just not there. Tates' father is in and out of her life. I am finally taking some legal action against him so that he understands that he cannot keep doing this to my little girl. So that is a little background for confessions of a single mom.
Tate is having trouble sleeping again...waking up with night terrors I think. I hate seeing my little girl be torn apart by some fool who doesn't know how lucky he is to have her as a daughter. I think that the situation with her father has also made her more clingy and whiny. Also, watching Boo go with her dad as often as she does causes a lot of questions. And me with no answers. But I can't really deprive one child for the sake of the other.
I am nervous about the upcoming events in their lives. Tate can't seem to accept that I might have someone else in my life but her and Boo so anytime a friend comes around she gets even more clingy and whiny. But I can't keep living my life alone. I want that support that I can find in another person. A shoulder to put my head on when things are rough and someone with some helpful advice on how to get through all of this rough stuff.
I wonder, how do you help a child understand why her father doesn't want to see her? Or will see her but only on his terms and when his girlfriend tells him it's okay. And when he does get her how do I get through the weekend wondering what kind of situations she is in the middle of? And then sit alone and try to forget that I can't have what I want with one person and stress about the safety of my daughter.
I wish I could say I was bitter about the divorce or the other things that came after. But honestly, every mistake I have made has led me to this spot. This perfect spot with my children. I don't believe that I will ever be given more challenges than I can handle. I can honestly say that once I make a mistake I never make it again. And really, the amazing thing is that my children have taught me more about love and sacrifices than anyone could.
This year for Christmas I had to save up, of course. No child support again so I was just going on what I made. But I had a decent amount saved and was able to get the kids several things that I knew were perfect. I limit myself to just a few presents, though. I don't like to overindulge them, especially since the rest of the family spoils them. I ended up having enough to get myself a little something and Jeff the iPOD he'd been wanting. Of course, he never got it...since he had to throw his little mid life crisis thing...I decided to keep it for myself. Don't know what to do with the two shirts I got him. Maybe I should cut them down to fit my kiddos :)
My point is that I think a lot of people who know me would be surprised that I do so much on so little. Or how simple life is when you stop worrying and just live. I used to stress about little things like a perfect house or certain decorations. Now I watch my kids trash the house twice daily. But we just pick up and do it again. I clean when I have time. I am not going to waste a whole weekend day cleaning when I want to spend time playing with the kids. And so maybe I don't have the perfect house or the perfect body...but I am working on bigger and better things...like raising kids that feel loved ....
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