Alice and Wonderland

Which the real title is "Through the Looking Glass" or something like that. All of the fairy tales that I read and my parents read and my own children read are actually watered down versions of the originals. I have an early publication of the Brother's Grimm fairy tales. And let me tell you...The little mermaid does not get price charming. I think she dies. And Snow White? Well, her fate wasn't much better. So when people mention say to me..." You are waiting for a fairy tale." I kind of chuckle and say which one? The real fairy tale or the watered down happy ending Disney version of a fairy tale.

My oldest girl Tate got a "Little Mermaid" nightgown for her birthday. That's what led me down the road of "Do you know what really happened to..."

Of course, I have to play that game in my head, considering my daughters would be traumatised by realizing that little princess' don't always have happy endings waiting for them. They are too young for a realistic view of the world anyway. Tate has enough to deal with considering her father has left her life (for good I think this time).

But why do we ALWAYS have to give happy unrealistic endings to these stories? Everyone does not always end up living happily ever after just because they are princes and princess'. It doesn't show what it really takes to have two people be together and all of the hard work that goes into it. I mean, all the prince has to do is find the chick with the foot that fits in his slipper. Then they kiss and the world is grand.

I have a hard time finding the right mix of reality and imagination to pass on to my daughters. I want them to always want fireworks and happily ever after but at the same time what them to understand that it doesn't just happen. And they won't have me as a real role model because I honestly don't see myself involved with anyone else for a long while. So they WILL see me working hard, going to school, finishing a degree, taking care of the house work, them, and cooking. But they will only see ME doing it. Not me and a partner. So how will they know that it's GOOD and OKAY to share their lives with someone if they don't see ME doing it?

Will they even know HOW to share if all that I teach them is to do it themselves?

Time flying by...

I haven't been able to write for a while. Not only has my computer been crashed and at a friends house awaiting fixing, but I have been so emotionally exhausted that I couldn't put my thoughts into any sort of cohesive shape.

I can honestly say that I had never thought having a house was that much more work. But it has been. I am still finding that stray box or stack of something that needs a place. A picture that needs hung ...that kind of stuff on top of just taking care of it is a little bit tiring. But I am accepting the fact that I can not do everything everyday. But we are getting better at picking up and taking care of a little bit everyday. I am a little annoyed at the number of mosquito's that are around and biting this year.

Still have to see Jeff everyday at work. SIGH. Apparently we are friends again. Apparently he doesn't get it. I could say more about this and I might tomorrow. Why couldn't he stay in the department he was in? He liked it just fine. But no, he had to come to my office. GRRR. He told me that he misses me. I said, what does Renee think about that? (You know. That woman you are LIVING with?) So, he is still an idiot. Nothing changed there.

My little Tate is turning four tomorrow. She is just growing up sooo fast. And Boo is starting the potty training. YIKES.

I have to go to court again tomorrow and do the contempt thing for him not paying child support. Still haven't gotten anything since September...but he swears he has a job. And that if he goes to jail he'll lose his job. Well, news for him, they will make him serve his jail time on his days off. Because, I am sure I will never see a dime of that support. He also wants to get rid of his visitation rights. But that is based on my stopping the child support. Which, I don't believe I could do. But I would almost be willing if it kept that man away from Tate. He has really come unhinged lately and I mean in the screaming yelling, I am afraid to send her over there kind of way. Before it was just that I hated how she came home acting so horrible but now I really fear for her safety.

I will post an update tomorrow. Just so exhausted today.