Saturday, June 27, 2009

Alice and Wonderland

Which the real title is "Through the Looking Glass" or something like that. All of the fairy tales that I read and my parents read and my own children read are actually watered down versions of the originals. I have an early publication of the Brother's Grimm fairy tales. And let me tell you...The little mermaid does not get price charming. I think she dies. And Snow White? Well, her fate wasn't much better. So when people mention say to me..." You are waiting for a fairy tale." I kind of chuckle and say which one? The real fairy tale or the watered down happy ending Disney version of a fairy tale.

My oldest girl Tate got a "Little Mermaid" nightgown for her birthday. That's what led me down the road of "Do you know what really happened to..."

Of course, I have to play that game in my head, considering my daughters would be traumatised by realizing that little princess' don't always have happy endings waiting for them. They are too young for a realistic view of the world anyway. Tate has enough to deal with considering her father has left her life (for good I think this time).

But why do we ALWAYS have to give happy unrealistic endings to these stories? Everyone does not always end up living happily ever after just because they are princes and princess'. It doesn't show what it really takes to have two people be together and all of the hard work that goes into it. I mean, all the prince has to do is find the chick with the foot that fits in his slipper. Then they kiss and the world is grand.

I have a hard time finding the right mix of reality and imagination to pass on to my daughters. I want them to always want fireworks and happily ever after but at the same time what them to understand that it doesn't just happen. And they won't have me as a real role model because I honestly don't see myself involved with anyone else for a long while. So they WILL see me working hard, going to school, finishing a degree, taking care of the house work, them, and cooking. But they will only see ME doing it. Not me and a partner. So how will they know that it's GOOD and OKAY to share their lives with someone if they don't see ME doing it?

Will they even know HOW to share if all that I teach them is to do it themselves?


  1. Oh, I understand this! I think we all grew up with the "happily ever after" thing instilled in our heads and then when it didn't happen we were shocked and saddened, like we somehow failed to attain what was supposedly a "given".

    I think being honest and saying "This is a fairy tale, it doesn't always happen this way in real life" is a good thing to do....

  2. I also grew up on these fairy tale stories where the common theme is that the happy ending equals the prince gets the girl. And my, oh, my she should be so lucky that she was rescued!

    Please forgive me if I sound harsh for what I am about to tell you. I am 42, new mother to a one-year-old daughter (my son is 22 years old), and I have made MANY mistakes. I see a lot of similarities in your situation to Jeff with my own situation at various moments in my life.

    But as I am reading through your blog, I am frustrated. Perhaps more so with myself and my own mistakes.

    Why are you "friends" with Jeff. He abused you. He manipulated you and another woman. This does not equal a good friend in my book. In one entry you say that you will not tolerate cheating in a partner, and yet you tolerate it with Jeff. By your own words he is a jerk. You deserve better in both your intimate relationships and in your friendships.

    Now, here's where it gets real. Wouldn't you want for your daughters that the happy ending means being 100% happy with themselves? As strong, self-nurturing, self-respecting, intelligent women? From what I am reading, you are setting yourself up to be an example that you are incomplete without a man.

    I don't mean to undermine the fact basic desire to have a companion in life. But what does that mean if you do not feel whole until that happens?

    My wish for you, for your daughter, for me, and for my daughter is that they choose good people to surround themselves with. Supportive and loving friends. Respectful and strong men and women.

    Our children will only be able to accomplish this with a role model in which to this in action. Trash the fairy tale. Make up your own. I always make up the endings to those stupid Disney tales. Cinderella? She decides she is tired of the abuse and opens up her own cleaning business & buys her own home with lots of puppies and horses (my daughter loves horses and puppies, so that's why I throw that in there).

    There is more to life than romantic relationships. Concentrate more on the quality of relationship you have with your family, your friends & let that be the example for your children.

    And for goodness sake...lose Jeff already! Ask yourself if you would want your daughters having a friend who cheats on them, lies to them, and manipulates them.

    And the answer should come pretty easy to you.

    You are amazing all by yourself. Cherish and love yourself. The happy ending is NOW! YOU create it in the moment, every moment.

    Much love and best wishes to you.